If you haven’t seen this ted talk, check it out:
It’s all about the language we use, and how that language impacts our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors when it comes to sex.
We’ve heard the baseball metaphors. First, second, and third base. Home run. Striking out. Playing for the other team. Al Vernacchio, who gave this ted talk points out that in baseball, you have two teams, one wins and one loses. You have specific rules to follow, and you have very little control over the season schedule. When there’s a game, players are expected to play. In sex this creates an unhealthy dynamic. Sexual relationships shouldn’t be about winning or losing, or about competition. Sex shouldn’t occur due to pressure to “play”. Sexual relationships should be about enjoying the activity together. He suggests a new metaphor.
Getting pizza. When you want pizza, it’s based on an inner desire rather than competition. When you’re eating pizza, there are no winners or losers. It’s about enjoying the experience. In baseball there are rules. The right ways and the wrong ways to play. In pizza, there are no rules, you can eat it if you want to, if it satisfies your hunger, and it’s okay to enjoy some toppings, and not others.
By changing our metaphor, as Mr. Vernacchio explains, “we could…invite people to think about their own desires and make deliberate decisions about what they want, and talk about it with their partners…to look not at some external outcome, but for what feels satisfying”.
Who wants pizza?