Marriage is one of the most important relationships, but it can also be one of the most confusing! There are so many false beliefs perpetuating about what a good marriage really looks like. And while we may know in our minds that other couples have struggles as well, it’s not always something we talk about. Here are 4 common marriage myths:
1. Happy Couples Don’t Have Ongoing Conflict
It’s easy to assume that individuals in a healthy marriage don’t encounter problems in their relationship. They always see eye to eye, right? Nope. Studies show that 70% of marital concerns are perpetual, or ongoing; they’re not immediately solvable, and the two people often aren’t on the same page. What this means is that happy couples are able to talk about their differences, communicate their needs, and work together (even if they’re not able to “solve” the issue). When you experience conflict (and all couples do), just remember that it doesn’t mean you have a bad marriage!
2. Having Children Will Bring You Closer
This may seem a bit depressing, which is not the purpose of this discussion, but the reality is that marital satisfaction statistically goes down with each child, not up. Children are wonderful, but they are stressful, and it’s okay to talk about that! It’s important to make the effort to spend time with your spouse once the kids start coming. Parenting brings the opportunity for partners to work together in tandem, but you also need time for just the two of you.
3. Happy Couples Are Always Sexually in Sync
It’s completely normal for couples to have a high-desire partner & a low-desire partner (with the low-desire partner being the gatekeeper of the couple’s sex life). Just because there are differing levels of sex drive doesn’t mean that a couple doesn’t have a good sexual relationship. In fact, these differences can indicate high levels of differentiation of self, which can help couples grow closer.
4. “If My Partner Really Loved Me, He/She Would Know Why I’m Upset”
We need to do away with the false belief that mind-reading is part of a good relationship. You and your partner are two different people with different feelings and thoughts, and it’s your job to express when you’re upset! Don’t put that burden on them. Learn to communicating your emotions and needs to help you grow closer in your relationship.
Click here to watch the video segment of “Marriage Myths” on Good Things Utah.
Click here to learn more about “The Assertiveness Guide For Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships”