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3 Ways to Fight Fair: Good Things Utah

3 Ways to Fight Fair: Good Things Utah

Every significant relationship has times of disagreement and disconnection. Differences are a sign that your relationship is healthy and that both people feel free to bring their authentic selves. However, how you express those differences can either bring you closer together or create distance.

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13 Reasons Why – How to Talk to Your Teen

13 Reasons Why

Clair Mellenthin, LCSW & Melanie Davis, CMHC visiting KUTV Fresh Living to discuss the show 13 Reasons Why.  Click on link below to see what they had to say!

KUTV.com Web Site Link: http://kutv.com/features/fresh-living/13-reasons-why-how-to-talk-to-your-teen

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Why Are We Happy?

WOMAN EXERCISING

I love TED talks. I recommend them to my clients to watch between sessions to help them stay in a therapeutic mindset, and I also watch them frequently to stay up on what the great scientists and researchers of our time are doing. Here is an oldie but a goodie that I would recommend to help you understand the subjectivity behind happiness. Hopefully you walk away from this understanding a little more about how you have and are perceiving happiness in your life.

https://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy

 

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How Expressing Difference Brings Connection

How Expressing Difference Brings Connection

The concept of assertiveness is one of my favorite topics, and I’m excited to share  some of the key points from my new book “The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships.”

What is assertiveness exactly? Contrary to what some may think, it’s not being pushy, rude, or aggressive. In the book, I define assertiveness as the ability to reflect on one’s past and present experiences, manage one’s difficult emotions, and clearly express oneself while also being open to someone else’s perspective (that’s quite a definition, right!). Some women may fear or shy away from assertiveness because they think it will threaten their relationships, but practicing it is actually the only way to get your needs met while also maintaining a closeness with others.

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3 Factors That Contribute To A Negative Body Image

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A few weeks ago I gave a community presentation on Body Image and many participants reported the following information was very helpful! There are 3 things that often contribute to how we perceive our physical self.
1-Early environmental issues.  If you were praised based on appearance rather than internal performance, you are more at risk for thinking negatively about yourself. In addition, if you were raised in an environment were one or both parents were always “dieting”, you may also be at risk for developing a more negative perception of self.
2-Cognitive Vulnerabilities.  People who see the proverbial “glass as half empty, rather than half full” are more likely to judge themselves negatively.  Personalities who have a tendency to focus on flaws rather than strengths often have body image challenges.
3-Cultural Influences. Social media and even new phone apps (such as “Plump and Skinny Booth”) are altering our view of self more than ever. Cyberbullying seems to contribute to a negative body image as well as performance pressures, say in sports, can lead to extreme measures to alter ones body,such as performance enhancing drugs. New websites are popping up that even instruct the user “how to get an eating disorder” to control weight, which are a contributing risk factor as well.
The good news is all 3 of these factors can be managed or treated.  A few useful tools can be found on websites (the positive side of technology!) such as centerforchange.com and thebodymovement.com.  In addition, a Body Image Workbook by Thomas Cash PHD can be very useful, especially if used in conjunction with a trained therapist to address the above factors.
Last, learning facts about images we see are explored in a new documentary by Taryn Brumfitt called “Embrace”. This can help increase a more accurate view of ourselves an others. If you or a loved one struggle with negative body image, call Wasatch Family Therapy today to seek guidance from a body image professional and take charge of those negative self perceptions!

 

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The 5 Best Kept Secrets of Marriage Relationship Self-Care

Wasatch Family Therapy Marriage Counseling

We’ve all been there. We believe our relationship with our spouse (or partner) is going south. Yet we’re too busy to give it the time that it needs. We’ll get to it. We really will!

The problem is, we never seem to actually “get to it.”

And if we ever really do find the time to get to it, we’ve become so much like angry “roommates” that even talking about improvement leads to yet another argument. Ouch!

Here are the 5 best kept marriage relationship secrets to get your relationship game back where it needs to be.

(These examples are not gender specific. Please swap male/female where needed)

1- Self-Care for You

Since you can’t change your husband, you need to work on changing you. To do otherwise is like having a bee land on your hand and swatting at your husbands face to get rid of the hornet. You’ve solved nothing and likely got a nasty sting in the process. Change can feel as painful as a surprise bee sting. Take back your self-care life gradually by beginning TODAY. You deserve it!

2- Ditch the Past

Relationships that live in the past repeat the past. If you truly desire a better relationship, stop it! An example is when a wife believes in her heart that “…he will never understand me.” Or “he will never meet my need for ‘_______’ (fill in the blank).” This belief will only perpetuate itself with hurt feelings. A much better way to manage the past is live in the PRESENT. Tell him what you need. Expect him to step up to the relationship plate by trusting that he will do it. Risk and actually ASK him. It really works!

3- Be the Boundary King (or Queen)!

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How To Follow My Dreams When I Feel Guilty? Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

How To Follow My Dreams When I Feel Guilty? Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

Kelly asks, “How do I take care of myself and fulfill my own dreams when my family makes things all about them?” She grew up in a family with a narcissistic mother and Kelly felt she needed to take care of and focus on her mother at her own expense. This created guilt for Kelly whenever she invested in her own development. Listen to what I have to say

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Five Questions to Ask Your Teen About ’13 Reasons Why?’

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By now many of us have become aware of the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, which is a series depicting the experience of a young teenager who commits suicide. Throughout the series the main character shares the various hurts and traumas she has gone through that leads to her decision to end her life. For many people this has been a troubling show to watch due to its graphic content, which includes a detailed depiction of sexual assault and the process of a completed suicide including the detailed depiction of the character dying through suicide.

Multiple media outlets have highlighted the creators intent to open dialogue surrounding suicide and not to glamorize the process of dying by way of suicide. However, for many the interpretation and impact of the visual content has had varying responses. For some it has been highly triggering and has increased suicidal ideation. For others it has created curiosity and the desire to open communication about suicide.

For all parents even those with the best filters or rules about viewing mature content, chances are your tween or teenager will be exposed to this show in some fashion. Whether viewing it themselves or through interactions with friends and social media, 13 Reasons Why isn’t going away and here are five questions to support you in starting this necessary conversation with your teen or tween.

What do you understand about the show?

Were there aspects of the show that you personally related to?

Is there anything I can do to help support you in understanding the realities of suicide?

Have you ever had thoughts like this yourself? Can you help me understand them?

Is there anything I can do for you?

If you discover your child has struggled with suicidal thoughts or is currently having them, it is important to not dismiss the seriousness of their experiences and these thoughts and to seek out help from licensed professional immediately. Below are resources for parents and children who may be in crisis.

If you feel your child could benefit from further professional help Wasatch Family Therapy is here to serve you.

National Suicide Prevention Life Line 1-800-273-TALK

The Utah Crisis Line 1-801-587-3000

The Trevor Project (LGBTQ Youth) 1-866-488-7386

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Women’s Workshop with Dr. Julie Hanks July 26

Grab a friend, sister, neighbor and come to my day-long workshop for Mormon women. Understand cultural influences that may have silenced your authentic voice, and learn and practice the 5 steps of assertive communication. Details and ticket information below. Early-bird pricing ends soon (save $50) and seating is limited. Can’t wait to spend the day with you!

Download event flier here and spread the word

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Tips on Rekindling Your Relationship

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http://kutv.com/features/fresh-living/date-your-mate-month-tips-on-rekindling-your-relationship

Click on the link above to see what Family Therapist Clair Mellenthin LCSW has to say about rekindling the spark in a relationship.

Clair says, “It is easy to fall into a status quo in relationships and to become stagnant but comfortable.” If this sounds like you, don’t worry, Clair has 5 Ways to Rekindle Your Relationship.

5 Ways to Rekindle Your Relationship:

  1. Surprise your partner with a sticky note every day this month with a short 1 sentence note (I love you! You are hot! etc.).
  2. Make sure to start the day and end the day with an embrace. a hug goes a long way even on the “off ” days.
  3. Schedule 5 minutes each night to sit together without TV and ask about how your partner’s day was.
  4. Initiate intimacy- especially if you are the one who typically doesn’t start it.
  5. Say thanks for the little things. make an effort every day to find something you can say thank you to your partner.

Head on over to WasatchFamilyTherapy.com, Clairmellenthin.com or call 801-944-4555 to make an appointment with Clair.

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