Blog Section

5 Steps to a Powerful Apology: LCSW Julie Hanks on KSL’s Studio 5


Human beings are prone to mistakes, and we all have the experience of doing or saying something that has hurt another person (even someone we value and love). In order to repair those precious relationships, it is often necessary to apologize. But simply saying, “I’m sorry” is rarely enough. Here are 5 steps to giving a powerful, sincere apology:

1) Own Your Part
5 steps to a powerful apology
To truly mean that you are sorry, you need to own up to the specific thing you said or did that contributed to the other person’s pain. Take full responsibility for the part you played. Avoid general statements (“I’m sorry for whatever I did to hurt you”) or making reservations about the mistake you made. Have the courage to own up to your fault.

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5 Common Road Blocks to Couple Intimacy

couple-listening-optimizedWant more intimacy in 2015?

5 common road blocks that could be keeping you and your partner from optimal intimacy!

Environment

Work life, parenting responsibilities, maintaining a home, dishes in the sink or a bedroom overcrowded with laundry, these are just a few examples of things that contribute to shaping our environment. Is there anything present or obstacles in your environment that could interfering with opportunities to create more intimacy. Environment can play a crucial role in our ability to focus and dedicate time to growing and nurturing intimacy in our home and relationships.

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This Week at WFT 1/12/15

ThisweekatWFT

Women’s DBT Skills Group – Series 3

Tuesday, January 6th, 6 – 7:30 pm

Women’s DBT Group is a 3-series group that teaches basic skills such as how to manage your emotions so they don’t control your life, how to cope effectively with difficult relationships, and learning how to react rationally rather than impulsively.  When applied as taught, DBT WORKS!

Call Brittany at 801-944-4555 to register!

 

KIDS Social Skills Group

Wednesday, January 14th, 5:00 – 6:00 pm

Social Skills Group for Children (Ages 9-11)

-Keep & make friends

-Increase self-esteem

-Discover skills for coping with anxiety

-Strengthen social skills

Call Brittany at 801-944-4555 to register!

 

TEEN GIRLS DBT WORKSHOP

Saturday, January 17th, 12:00 – 4:00 pm

This One-day workshop will teach:

-Healthy Coping Skills

-Social Skills / Peer Relationship Skills

-How to Deal with Overwhelming or Uncomfortable Feelings

-Calming Strategies

-Recognizing Strengths & Increasing Self-Confidence

Call Brittany at 801-944-4555 to register!

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4 Ways to Become Less Judgemental: Julie Hanks on Studio 5

4 Ways to Become Less Judgemental: Julie Hanks on Studio 5


We’ve all known someone who is judgmental. It’s an unfortunate character trait and is often easy to spot in other people, but can be a bit more difficult to see in ourselves. But the truth is that we all could stand to be more kind and accepting of others. Here are 4 strategies to become less judgmental:

1) Cultivate Empathy

One of the first steps is to practice developing empathy and consideration for others. This often starts with ourselves. If you find yourself judging another person or harboring bad feelings, get curious, try to understand him/her, and ask questions. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and you’ll likely start to let go of some of your judgmental feelings.

2) Practice Self-Reflection

Whenever we judge someone, it’s always about us, not the other person. So when you catch yourself judging, self-reflect on why some behavior of that person is bothering you. For example, if you say or think that another woman is self-centered and spends way too much money on her appearance, hold up the mirror and see what issues of yours are being reflected. Perhaps you are jealous of her or are insecure about your own appearance and how much you invest in looking your best. Maybe that woman reminds you of someone who once was unkind to you. Judgments are very often brought about by something bringing up past wounds. Self-examine to find your reasons.

3) Seek Common Ground

Part of human nature is to notice the differences between ourselves and others. This can leading to ranking and comparison and is fertile ground for judgment to take place. Try to break the habit of seeing only differences and instead look for similarities between yourself and the other person. If you have trouble finding anything in common, remember that all human beings have experienced suffering. You may ask yourself, “What is his/her current challenge?” Seeking common ground can help you let go of judgment.

4) Stay in Your Business

Sometimes we unnecessarily insert ourselves into others’ business. Though there may be a natural concern for someone else’s well-being and we might want something positive for him/her, being overly concerned with another person’s life and choices can come across as judgmental. Instead, seek to stay on your side of the fence. And while staying in our own business can help us become less judgmental toward others, it can also help reduce some pain and anxiety for ourselves. Remind yourself that there are certain things that you do not need to worry about.

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Do Your Kids Define You?: Julie Hanks on Studio 5

Do Your Kids Define You?: Julie Hanks on Studio 5

Being a good parent requires a tremendous amount of time, love, and energy, but what happens when a well-meaning mom or dad becomes too enmeshed in their children’s lives? Over-involvement can unknowingly do damage to kids, who then become responsible for their parents’ well-being and happiness. On the other hand, parents who can draw a separation between themselves and their children are emotionally healthier and are actually able to give more to their families.

LCSW Julie Hanks recently discussed this topic on KSL’s Studio 5. Below are some questions she suggested to ask yourself to determine whether or not your kids define you (along with some strategies to help you reclaim yourself if you find that you’ve taken on a little too much):

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Our Boundaries, Our Selves

Our Boundaries, Our Selves

“Boundaries can be understood as processes of contact and exchange,
moments of knowing, and movement, and growth.”
Judith V. Jordan

Knowing how to set healthy boundaries is an important part of living a life where you feel honest with yourself because you are able to interact honestly with others.  This isn’t a skill that comes with all of us into life. This isn’t a skill we learn in our formative years either.

We learn it, oftentimes, through experiences of pain and trauma, both emotional and physical.  Because of our experiences, we learn to have boundaries. Because of our experiences, we also gain the tough challenge of doing 3 life-altering things:

  1. Learning to value ourselves;
  2. Actively creating our identity;
  3. Balancing the ways we share our personal space.

Often times we are expected to share our personal space without regard to personal needs because of our roles in life – such as our families, our friends, our occupations or hobbies, our roles as as parents, siblings, spouses, or relatives.

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When and How To Be More Assertive: Julie Hanks on KSL’s Studio 5

When and How To Be More Assertive: Julie Hanks on KSL’s Studio 5

“Assertiveness” is a word that unfortunately can have some negative connotations. Some might equate being assertive with being pushy, bossy, or controlling. But in reality, assertiveness is a communication skill that can help us express our feelings and needs and ultimately grow closer in our relationships. The truth is that assertiveness is extremely important in having the life we want. Here are some strategies to help you be more assertive:

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Mormons and Mental Health Therapy: KSL Radio Interview

Mormons & Mental Health KSL RadioWasatch Family Therapy’s Julie Hanks, LCSW, Clair Mellenthin, LCSW, and colleague Sue Beuhner, LCSW talk with KSL Newsradio’s Amanda Dickson on a special LDS Conference edition of “A Woman’s View” program.

Scroll down to listen to the podcast.

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Studio 5 with LCSW Holly Willard: Encouraging Honesty in Children

Let’s face it: young children lie. They make up stories and often exaggerate what really happened. So how can we encourage honesty in our kids?

LCSW Holly Willard gives us some insight on this topic. She says the age of the child matters. A 3-year-old doesn’t developmentally understand what it means to lie, so this is innocence and we don’t really have to worry about it. When a child is 5-6, his/her mind goes back and forth between fantasy and reality, so we can try to help him/her understand what is real and what is not. By 7-8, it’s time to hold our kids accountable for telling the truth.

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