Depression
Deep Breathing… How Can This Possibly Make Me Feel Better?
A lot of therapists do deep breathing exercises with their clients and what’s going through your mind might be… does that really do anything? How can just breathing help make me feel better? I breathe all the time and it’s never helped me before! Well, here are a few benefits of deep breathing:
1) Deep breathing increases the amount of oxygen you take in which then releases tension in your body
2) Deep breathing massages your organs increasing and improving circulation
3) Deep breathing can actually strengthen and tone your stomach… who doesn’t want that?
4) Deep breathing can actually help you burn up excess fat… also something we all want
5) Deep breathing increases oxygen levels right? Increasing the amount of oxygen gives you more energy!
6) Deep breathing increases the pleasure chemicals in your brain making you feel happier and can even combat physical pain
7) If you put your mind into concentrating on ‘inhaling’ and ‘exhaling’ it clears your mind of whatever you were previously thinking about giving you a break from the stresses in your life, depressed thoughts, etc. How? Your mind can only think of one thing at one time so you’re concentrating on breathing and not anything else.
Just 15-20 minutes a day can help you feel better and give you all of those benefits. We all have 15 minutes right?
Dealing With Whiners: Julie Hanks quoted in Wall Street Journal
That woman in the center looks vaguely familiar…Only day of my life that I’ll buy 5 Wall Street Journal newspapers.
Read article “Nation of Whiners, Therapists Try Tough Love” online
Read the WSJ dealing with a whiner chat transcript
Ask A Therapist: Eating Disorder, Depression, Insomnia, & Cutting
Q: I have an eating disorder, depression, insomnia, and now I’ve started cutting. No one cares. My mom said things could be worse. My dad ignores it. My boyfriend says its in my mind and I can get over it on my own. I’ve started cutting and no one knows and it’s embarrassing. I need help. What should I do? (24 yr old female college student)
A: Click the arrow below to hear my response to your question…
Click here to find a therapist in your area
Take good care of yourself!
Ask A Therapist: My Best Friend Is Suicidal
Q: My best friend is suicidal and I want to know if there is anything I can do to help her. She has already told her parents but they really aren’t doing anything to stop her. I have told a teacher at our school and the counselor but all they do is recommend seeing a psychiatrist. I am really worried about her she almost always has cuts all over her body arms, legs, and stomach. Her mother has been in and out of prison even before she was born. Her mother is also in right now and has been since she was 7. In the past few years she has had a lot happen, she lost her grandmother on her dad’s side two days before Christmas in 2008. Right after that she moved from a big house to a small one and in the process lost connection with her former best friend. Many of her animals outside died and she sat with one of her cats and had to watch it die after it got attacked by a dog. This past year she had her aunt on her dad’s side die and lost a lot of her friends. She also found out that her mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder by four different psychiatrists and borderline personality disorder by one or two. We were in seventh grade this year and for most of the second semester she was labeled a whore because of how she dresses and who hangs out with. This past summer is also when the cutting started it started off pretty bad but not frequent. It then went to minor burns and small scratches and then blew up again to bad cuts and they were very frequent. At the current moment she only has scars but is thinking about cutting herself again. I would just like an idea of what I could say to her to get her not to cut anymore. Thank you for taking the time to read this (and respond if you do).
A: First of all, your friend is lucky to have such a mature and concerned friend like you. For 13 years old, you are wise to get some advice on how to handle this serious situation. You mentioned that your friend is suicidal. Has she told you that she has plans to end her life or are you suspecting that she is suicidal because of her cutting behavior? Often intentional self-harm, or parasuicidal behavior, is a cry for help without an intention to die. The two are related but don’t necessarily go together.
Does your friend acknowledge that she needs help to address her cutting? If so, she may want to ask her parents to take her to their family doctor. Sometimes parents are more willing to take their child to get “medical” help than “mental” help. Also, have you talked to your parents or guardian about this situation and asked for their help and advice? It may be a good idea to sit down with your friend and both sets of parents and express your love and concern and see how you and your parents can support your friend. Another possible resource is Childhelp national hotline. You can tell them about your concerns with your friend and they will identify resources in your area.
If your friend’s parents are fully aware that their daughter is cutting and in need of psychological intervention and they refuse to get their daughter the treatment she needs, then this may be a case of medical neglect requiring or your parents to report the situation to child protective services. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Thank you again for writing in to Ask the Therapist.
Take good care of yourself.
[Video] The Truth About Anger
I have met with so many women in my therapy office who have shut down their emotions because they think it’s the right thing to do. Anger seems particularly difficult for women of faith to understand, manage, and express in healthy ways.
I’m honored to be a new presenter on Deseret Book’s Time Out For Women 2012 Tour “Seek The Good” talking on the topic of developing your most authentic self. Part of the message is the importance of honoring and feeling our emotions. Feelings are a gift to guide our lives. They aren’t “good” or “bad”. Feelings are INFORMATION to guide us to our most authentic self.
Here’s a video clip from a recent TOFW presentation about the importance of honoring our emotions…even anger.
I hope to see YOU at one of the TOFW cities this year!
Have you been taught to shut down “negative” feelings?
What have the consequences been for you? For your emotional and physical health?
How do you manage painful emotions in healthy ways?
Can Too Much Happiness Make You UNhappy?: KSL News
You may be surprised to learn that “moderation in all things” applies to moods, too. June Gruber, a professor of psychology at Yale University compares happiness to food. We need it, but too much of it can cause problems. While happiness is associated with a stronger immune response, longer life, and ability to endure painful experiences, it also has a dark side. I was recently interviewed on KSL morning news about this interesting twist on happiness.
KSL AM news interview originally posted here
Read the rest of this entry »
Ask A Therapist: Mother-in-law Passed Away and Left Us $50,000 In Debt
Q: To start off I was best friends with my wife’s mother. She took me in and gave me a family. Within the last 2 years both my wife’s mother and grand father passed away. My wife and I lived with them before we got married.
We ended up getting married twice, once in a church and once in my mother in law’s room at the nursing home. She was 46 years old when she died and it happened this past march.
Since then I have found that we have tons of money to pay out in inheritance tax and to her medical bills if we want to keep our house. My wife has stopped doing anything around the house and she won’t go do any of the legal things that need to be done by her.
How can I get her more motivated without hurting her feelings and how can I keep my sanity though out all of this. I don’t really know what to do to get myself motivated to be happier.
A: I am so sorry to hear about your recent family losses and financial difficulties. You’ve both lost two important support people, and while they can’t be replaced, it important for you and your wife to get additional support during this difficult time. While grieving is different for every person, it seems that your wife’s grieving may have turned into depression. Her “lack of motivation” and difficulty functioning may not be something she can control at this point. Your difficulty being happy is also concerning to me and I recommend that both of you get an assessment for depression by a mental health professional. I also want to encourage you to seek out a grief counselor to help you process your losses, and a grief group so you can talk with other families who are going through similar experiences. To find a therapist and a group in your area click here.
In addition to mental health support, please seek professional advice on your legal and financial matters surrounding your mother-in-law’s passing, if you haven’t already done so. Tax issues and liability for medical bills can be complex and very stressful.
Thank you again for writing.
Take good care of yourself!
Ask A Therapist: I’m Angry AND Sad. What’s Wrong With Me?
Q: I’m 15 years old and I have been getting angry for sometime no reason at all and then becoming sad. I am sad for a long time (10:30a.m.-9:00p.m.). I don’t know what to do and people ask what’s wrong and i just snap at them and feel even worse and I think I’m losing some of my friends. I used to be the funny guy but now I’m just the guy that sits in his chair quietly and doesn’t really talk to anyone anymore. I don’t feel like myself and I’m actually just avoiding people anymore. Please Help, Thank you.
A: How confusing to be having these overwhelming emotions and not know where they came from or why you’re getting upset. I’m so glad you wrote in for help. I’m always relieved when adolescent young men write in for emotional help because so many suffer in silence and don’t know how to reach out for help.
What you’re describing sounds like some kind of depression. You might be surprised to hear that irritability and anger are often signs of depression, especially in adolescents. The changes in your personality and your social behavior also point to depression. Does anyone in your life know how sad you’re feeling? Do you have parents you could talk to or another trusted adult, like a school counselor who could help you find a therapist and set up a medical evaluation?
I urge you to talk to your parents, let them know about your feelings, and ask them to help you find a therapist to meet with. Also, please go to your MD and get a physical to rule out possible medical conditions that might be contributing to your low moods. Click the Find Help at the top of this page to find a therapist in your area who specializes in working with adolescents and depression.
I am so glad that you emailed “Ask the Therapist” to reach out for help and guidance. I am hopeful that it will inspire other young men to pay more attention to their emotions and ask for help when needed.
Take good care of yourself!
Ask A Therapist: Are Panic Attacks Part of Grieving?
Q: I recently lost my dad around Christmastime, so I know I am going through a grief process. One of the things that happened to me recently is when I heard of the Japan quake. Then looking at other news, it was about the supermoon. Then my mind was flooded with all these things in the world and I had a panic attack. I mean I was truly scared and normally I do not think of these things, it lasted maybe a day…all night and the next day . Is that from realizing my own mortality? In the death of my dad ? Or am I maybe just losing my mind … a little?
A: I am so sorry for your recent loss of your father. I don’t think you are losing your mind. The death of a parent is a huge life event and often brings a sense of your own mortality to the forefront and upsets your view of the world. It makes sense that after the loss of your father, the person who is often experienced as the “protector” in the family, you’d feel for a time that the world had become scarier and less safe.
Stressful situations, like the death of a parent, can sometimes precipitate anxiety. While panic attacks usually peak at about 10 minutes, it is possible to have clusters of them. Since you don’t mention specific symptoms I can’t be certain if it was a panic attack or another kind of anxiety disorder. I suggest that you seek out a mental health evaluation to determine whether or not you have developed an anxiety disorder and if so, to get treatment. Also, I highly suggest attending a grief support group. Hospitals, hospices, and community clinics often host groups to help grieving family members find support by sharing their experiences with others who are going through similar losses.
Take good care of yourself!
Julie Hanks, LCSW