Family Relationships
5 Steps to Creating a Successful Stepfamily
Getting remarried is a happy and exciting time for many couples, filled with renewed hope and possibilities. However, what many couples don’t realize is that starting a new step family can also be very difficult, complete with an enormous set of challenges and transitions that none of them saw coming. In fact, about 60% of remarriages eventually end in divorce, because step families have no idea how to navigate through these unexpected challenges. So, how can your step family fall into the other 40%? The following suggestions can help you get started in the right direction:
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In Law Etiquette for Young Couples
Have you ever been to a fancy restaurant and felt uncomfortable because you don’t know what to do with the vast quantity of silverware? A quick refresher on etiquette can be helpful in that situation. Similarly, these ensuing tips will help young couples (and all family members involved) in dealing with the uncertainty that comes with having in-laws. I like to call it “In-Law Etiquette.”
First of all, it is important to remember that every family is different. We are very quick to label something that is different as “weird,” or “bad.” However, just because something is different doesn’t mean that it is better or worse. It is just different! Branch out and have fun with the differences between family cultures. Also, avoid labeling your in-law’s culture as strange, stupid, or dumb. It can even be healthy to poke fun at your own family culture.
Ask A Therapist: How Can Children Be Protected From Cousins Who Were Sexually Molested?
Q: My daughter’s children are close friends with their cousins. The parents of these cousins took in foster children who sexually molested the cousins. My daughter wants to know how best she can protect her children from being molested by the cousins. All the children involved are younger than 10 years old. My son was similarly molested by neighbor children and has been struggling with pornography and masturbation for twenty years. She doesn’t want that to happen to her children. Where can she go for advice?
A: The first step your daughter can take is to begin to have first of several conversations with her young children about good and bad touch- explaining “good” touch is a hug, a tickle under the armpit, a high five. A “bad” touch is when someone touches your private parts or asks you to touch theirs. Talking about what to do if this ever happens is also a topic for conversations throughout their lives- always tell a grownup! She also needs to ask if they have ever experienced “bad touch” to find out if they have also been abused.
Just because the cousins were sexually abused, it does not necessarily mean that they will in turn, molest others or engage in sexually inappropriate behaviors. If they have not acted out sexually, you do not need to limit their exposure and time together, unless the foster children are still in their home. To be on the safe side, an adult should be supervising their play for the next few months. They can still have play dates and engage in normal interactions, but I would suggest that the play just takes place out in the open- no closed doors allowed. I would also say “no” to sleepovers for the time being. If the cousins have been acting out sexually because of their abuse, it is okay to limit the play dates and offer support as adult friends/family.
A good resource for your family members is The Association For Play Therapy where you can find play therapists who specialize in treating sexually reactive and abused children in your area. There are chapters located throughout the United States.
[Video] Telling Your Friend Her Child Has Issues: Studio 5
What should you do if you suspect a friend’s child has a problem? Here are my tips for when to step in and when to step back. Ask yourself these 5 questions:
[Video] What Your Mother Is REALLY Trying To Tell You: Studio 5
Mothers in law and daughters in law don’t always speak the same language. But, there are ways to prevent miscommunication and avoid misunderstandings. Therapist, Julie Hanks, explains what those mixed messages really mean.
Clair Mellenthin, LCSW RPT-S Joins Provo Team
I am so excited to be joining our Provo Team as the new Clinical Director in Utah County. I am looking forward to building up our practice in Provo, where Kate Hofer, LPC and Mike Morgan, AMFT are busy building a strong foundation of excellent clinical work to offer our clients and the community. In March we are going to be offering several exciting new groups, workshops, and services including:
-The K.I.D.S. Group
This is a therapy group for children ages 8-12 who need a social skills building group to address
• Anxiety
• Difficulty making and keeping friends
• Building confidence and leadership skills
• Group begins Wednesday, Feb. 22nd 4-5:30 pm
-Hold Me Tight Workshop for Couples
This is an 8 week workshop facilitated by Haylee Heyn, AMFT using Emotionally Focused Therapy skills to build stronger, closer connections to your partner. Space is limited so please register early! See our website for more details.
-For Professionals: Kate Hofer will also be teaching a monthly Art Therapy Techniques workshop. More details to follow.
- We are pleased to be partnering with the University of Southern California Masters in Social Work program and are looking forward to having graduate level interns in our Provo and Salt Lake City office.
We are thrilled to be offering our clients in Utah County excellent services and community resources. I am looking forward to growing Wasatch Family Therapy and being part of this wonderful team!
Warmly,
Clair Mellenthin, LCSW, RPT-S
Clair Mellenthin, LCSW
[Video] 5 Signs That You’re Too Close To Your Child: Julie Hanks KSL Studio 5
You may be hurting your child and not even know it. Therapist, Julie Hanks, says parents, especially moms, unintentionally use their kids to meet their emotional needs. We have the warning signs.
· All of these apply to all ages of children as well as adult children
· In my practice, this is the most common unintentional way that parents hurt their children.
· Children generally don’t even realize that this dynamic has contributed to their current distress.
· In my clinical practice this is more common with mothers & children than fathers, but does happen with fathers.
Helping Our Community Deal With Grief of Powell Murder Suicide: KSL TV News
KSL TV invited Wasatch Family Therapy’s Julie Hanks, LCSW discusses how individuals and the community can deal with their grief over the horrendous acts of Josh Powell this week.
Part 1 – How to help Utah grieve this tragedy
[Video] Powell Case Raises Questions About Custody Laws: KSL TV News
Could more have been done to protect the Powell children? Julie Hanks, LCSW shares her thoughts on the issue of custody in the Josh Powell case on the KSL TV news interview yesterday
UT Bill Proposes Incentive For Premarriage Counseling
A new bill introduced in the UT House this week proposes a discounted marriage license rate to couples who’ve gone to 3 hours of premarriage counseling. What do you think about the bill? Listen to my advice to engaged couples…