Julie Hanks, Owner and Executive Director of Wasatch Family Therapy shared with me this artistic expression and interpretation of overcoming addiction to the song “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz. When I saw it I was so powerfully moved by the message it portrayed on such an important topic. A few points stood out to me from watching this dance that relate well to the emotional aspect of dealing with addiction in relationships.More
The popular song by Jason Mraz, “I Won’t Give Up” shares an important message of commitment in relationships and the powerful effect it can have. How important is commitment in a relationship? Researcher Steinberg created a model for what makes up love and relationships. He states that relationships thrive when they have a good balance of passion (physical), intimacy (emotional), and commitment. Why is commitment so important? It is hard to fully jump into the passionate and intimate part of a relationship when you do not know if this person is going to be with you or will stand by your side. When there is a sense of commitment there is a freedom to explore the relationship and continue to give more of yourself because you are not consumed by fear of being hurt or abandoned.More
This is the time of the year to say goodbye to summer and hello to increasing responsibilities and the longer ‘to-do’ lists. Here are some tips on keeping the love alive while the pile up continues to grow.
- Use Technology to Your Advantage – we have technology buzzing all around us. Why not use it to your advantage? Sending a quick text, an email, a chat or a phone call can take just a few seconds but can send an important message – I am thinking about you and I love you. If you can’t seem to remember to do this try putting an alarm on your phone for random times during the day to remind you until it becomes a habit.
- Prioritize and Plan Ahead – When the ‘to-do’ list gets longer we often get lost in the have to, want to, and should do’s, but the clarity of which tasks are the highest priorities seem to get a little cloudy. It is important to prioritize what is important… your relationship. Plan ahead for a date night during the month or week and stick to it. Get the babysitter well in advance and don’t change it. Even if something comes up it sends a powerful message to yourself, your partner and others when you say no because your relationship with your significant other is more important. When things are planned ahead of time they usually come to fruition rather than just saying, “when we have time” because you likely will not have extra time.
- Keep Rituals – we should all have a few rituals in our relationship, a kiss before leaving, a couple of minutes after work talking, a glass of warm milk at night together, pillow talk before bed… whatever your rituals are, keep them going. Most of the rituals couples develop are not time consuming, but if you do not remember to do them they quickly get lost in the noise of busyness. Rituals tell your partner you are there, and there is stability in the relationship, something to count on.
- Do not let emotions slide – One of the first things I see slide when we are busy, is emotional connection. You don’t have time to sit down, let alone talk about your feelings, right? Wrong… this is the time you need emotional connection the most. When life is busy and chaotic it is essential to feel close to your partner. It gives you a sense of support and confidence that is unique and allows you to focus on whatever you have to do. When we feel emotionally connected we do not need to spend time and energy worrying about the woes of the relationship.
- Accomplish tasks together when possible (be creative) – Whenever you can check off a task from the list together and make it time for the two of you it can increase closeness. So, if you have to run errands do it together, make dinner and talk about your day at the same time, even working side by side on your computers can be fun and relationship enhancing if you make it that way.
- Be Flexible – We are often told to divide and conquer but sometimes just being flexible is better for the relationship.
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