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5 Tips to Improve Your Sex Life

Man & woman snuggling1. Get emotionally naked first

This may come as a surprise to you, but sex begins long before you make it to the bedroom. Many people report needing to feel emotionally close to their partner before they get physically close to their partner. Sex can be the most vulnerable you become with another person and so you need to feel safe emotionally with your partner. What does emotional intimacy look like? I have heard many couples describe this as feeling “connected”. To become more emotionally intimate you can spend more quality time with your partner. Be open with each other. Share your thoughts and feelings with one another. Try talking about things that don’t revolve around the tasks of running a household. Share your fears, sorrows, dreams, and excitement for life. Play together. This could be as simple as laughing with one another or doing something new together. Make sure you spend quality alone time to develop emotional intimacy and build trust with your partner.

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“I Won’t Give Up On You” – The Importance of Commitment


(c) Can Stock Photo

The popular song by Jason Mraz, “I Won’t Give Up” shares an important message of commitment in relationships and the powerful effect it can have.  How important is commitment in a relationship?  Researcher Steinberg created a model for what makes up love and relationships.  He states that relationships thrive when they have a good balance of passion (physical), intimacy (emotional), and commitment.  Why is commitment so important?  It is hard to fully jump into the passionate and intimate part of a relationship when you do not know if this person is going to be with you or will stand by your side.  When there is a sense of commitment there is a freedom to explore the relationship and continue to give more of yourself because you are not consumed by fear of being hurt or abandoned.

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Married Men Have Better Sex

Finally, there’s some definitive evidence to suggest the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence.  There is a popular sentiment that married men feel stuck, unsatisfied and terribly jealous of their single friends, who seem to have all the fun.  This sentiment has been carried on by movies like It’s a Wonderful Life, and more recently by The Family Man or The Change-Up.  It seems as though at times married men question if being married is worth it.  Well, in a new article by Everyday Health.com, research suggests there are many ways men benefit from tying the knot, and some may surprise you.

Read the article.

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Marriage Q&A – What if I’m never “in the mood”?

This is one of the most common issues I see with couples in therapy. Part 2 of Q & A for Jan. 2010 Wasatch Woman Magazine

Q: After 10 years of marriage my husband complains that I don’t desire him physically. He feels hurt that I don’t initiate lovemaking and that I’m rarely “in the mood”. I love my husband, find him attractive, but sex rarely crosses my mind. Should I have sex even when I’m not in the mood?

(read my answer on pg 17…)
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Julie Hanks, LCSW, owner & clinical director of Wasatch Family Therapy, LLC, specializes in women’s emotional and mental health, couples counseling, and family therapy, and has been in the mental health field for 20 years. A popular media contributor, watch Julie on KSL TV’s Studio 5, read her advice in the national media on E! Online, AOL Health, MSN.com, subscribe to her weekly podcast the You and Yours show on The Women’s Information Network.

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