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Three Questions to Ask Your Spouse Daily

Being a marriage therapist is an interesting and fulfilling profession. One unique aspect of this job is that people want to ask my opinion on a regular basis. When I attend wedding showers, the room gets eerily quiet when it is my turn to give advice to the bride to be. One piece of advice I give regularly and often, is to connect with your spouse on a daily basis. This can happen in many different ways, however I think that daily talk time is an effective and powerful way to increase emotional intimacy that will help you feel connected to your spouse. Many times life gets so busy we forget how to talk with our partner. Here are three questions that can jump start your daily talk time.

  1. What went well in your day today?
  2. What did not go as you expected?
  3. What are some ways I can help you tomorrow?

These questions open up a dialogue about your day and what went well and poorly. The last question helps your spouse feel that you are invested in their day going well and shows your support of that happening. If you feel that some growth is needed in your relationship I urge you to start daily talk time. Ten minutes a day can make a big difference in your marriage. Start with these questions and see where the conversation goes.

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Marriage Therapy: How Do You Know it’s Time to Start?

Frustrated Couple

When people find out I am a marriage therapist, I inevitably get asked two questions.  1) What is the number one reason people come in for marriage therapy?  and  2) When do you know it’s time to see a marriage therapist?  I could go on for several pages about the different reasons that couples come into therapy.  However, my answer to the second question is pretty cut and dry.  There is no such thing as starting marriage therapy too early.  However, there can be a point where it is too late.  Often times people only contact professional help after a catastrophic event has happened in their relationship.  Too often one or both people involved are coming to therapy so they can have peace of mind that “they did everything to save the marriage.”  The very sad truth is that the marriage could have been saved if the couple had come in at the first sign of difficulty.  For those of you asking whether now is a good time to start therapy, let me ask:  Are you H.A.P.P.Y. in your relationship?

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