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How To Praise What Really Matters: Studio 5

Big successes are easy to spot but sometimes small accomplishments are overlooked.

If you want to celebrate the success of others, therapist Julie Hanks, LCSW says to look beyond appearance and praising what really matters.

What is praise?

Praise is simply the expression of approval or admiration of something or someone.

Why we sometimes hold back praise or compliments?

It’s a risk to share our thoughts and feelings, even if they are positive. We might feel embarrassed, awkward, insecure, or fear rejection.

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Julie’s Media Tips Featured on SocialWorkersSpeak.org

Wasatch’s Julie Hanks was recently featured in an article on Social Workers Speak.org. The organization was impressed with the coverage Ms. Hanks garnered in the national media during the month of May, including the Wall Street Journal, Fox and Friends News and Cosmopolitan. Julie’s interview with Social Workers Speak highlights the value of a media presence and offers tips and suggestions for social workers who would like to share their expertise with reporters. Her tips include getting on the web, creating consistent content, using video, pitching local media outlets, and embracing social media.

 

Read Julie’s Interview here

 

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Julie Hanks Shares Stop Whining Tips: WCCO Radio’s Chad Hartman Show

Julie Hanks was interviewed by WCCO Radio in Minnesota discussing therapists’ new approach To Stop the Whining in therapy. Hear why Julie believes whining is bad for an individual and listen to suggestions for dealing with someone who whines too much.

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Julie Hanks

Julie Hanks, LCSW

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How To Overcome Fear & Take Emotional Risks In Relationships: Studio 5

Allowing another person to “step in your shoes” means letting them know what is really going on in your life. Studio 5 Contributor and Therapist, Julie Hanks, says that’s a risk many of us are simply not willing to take. Find out how to break through false fronts and let people in.


Level 1 – Doing (hands) Talking about action and external facts and events, like “What did you do today?” “I went to the store.”

Level 2 – Thinking (head) Conversations focused on thoughts and opinions, such as “I think that you’re a great mother” or “In my opinion, the only solution to the economy is…”

Level 3 – Feeling (heart) Sharing emotional experiences, like “I feel scared that I might lose my job” or “I felt so loved when you brought me dinner last week.”

Level 4 – Being (core/gut) Sharing a deep, emotional connection with another person at the same time. This is when you feel “felt” – you know that the other person “gets” you. This type of communication is honest and genuine, deep, meaningful, and rare.

What prevents us from letting others walk in our shoes? 4_0029

1) Fear of being hurt

“What if I open up my heart and they don’t care, they leave me, they don’t “get it”, or they don’t comfort me?” After being hurt in the past, we learn to protect from being hurt again, but that also keeps us from being close to others.

Solution: Decide to risk anyway

If it’s hard for you to let others “walk in your shoes” you have to make a conscious decision to take a risk to let others into on a deeper level. Honest self-disclosure is associated with higher levels of relationship satisfaction. When you share deeper experiences and emotions it invites others to share their heart with you. This invites intimacy. We all want to be known and loved. Intimacy = into me see

2) Worry what others will think

“I don’t want to appear weak. If I share vulnerability with someone, they may think I don’t have it all together.” We live in a culture that values strength and sharing emotional vulnerability may be perceived as weakness. But is it? I truly believe that the developing the ability and willingness to share emotional vulnerability is one of the most important relationship strengths we can develop. It is the key to fulfilling relationships.

Solution: Accept that you don’t have it all together

Everyone is weak AND strong. We need to lean on each other. When I get caught in the trap of wondering what others will think I rehearse this quote in my mind, “It’s none of my business what others think of me.”

3) Don’t want to burden others

“People have their own struggles. Why would they want to hear about mine? Do they really care anyway?” You may be aware of the burdens of your loved ones and want to protect them from additional stress.

Solution: Share, don’t dump

Sharing is opening up your heavy backpack and letting someone else see and feel the contents. Dumping is sharing the contents of your backpack and then trying to get the other person to carry your backpack for you.

4) I don’t know how

“That’s just not what I do. I wouldn’t know where to start to let some one really know me.” From birth we are born to emotionally connect with each other, so you do know how to be emotionally vulnerable on some level. As you developed you may have had experiences that taught you to guard your tender feelings. Some families are better at fostering deeper sharing of emotions than others. If you’ve never been in a relationship where you’ve been able to be yourself, it may be time to open up, just a little bit at a time.

Solution: Start small

Ask yourself, “What level am I sharing from?” and then see if you can move one level down. This is the crux of what I help clients with in therapy — to identify their internal experience and to share it in a meaningful way with loved ones.

Creative Commons License photo credit: theperplexingparadox

Cialis vs Viagra it is old dispute between two similar medicines which stand by the way almost equally. but here not a task how to decide on a choice and to start using one of them. Viagra vs Cialis much kontsentrivany cialis which is on sale in the form of powder and we use it as required emergency. but nevertheless what harm they neninut especially if the birch costs.

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Let Back to School Inspire You: Studio 5

Back to school doesn’t have to be all about your kids. Let the start of a new school year inspire you. Therapist, Julie Hanks, has a grown-up perspective on back to school that can help improve your emotional health. I recently did an interview for Natural Health Magazine’s article “Back to School for Grown Ups” about channeling school day memories and fall’s energy to improve our lives as adults. Here’s a quote from the article:

The weather, certain smells, certain tastes-all of these things can trigger memories of earlier experiences,” says Julie Hanks LCSW, a psychotherapist in Salt Lake City. “Come fall, some women feel the same type of anticipation they did as kids and might even unconsciously find ways to relive or improve upon the experience.”

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Mean Girls Get Married: KSL 5 News

What happens when so-called “mean girls” grow up? As Marriage and Family Therapist Chelsea Madsen, tells us, that manipulative behavior may continue into adult relationships on KSL Morning News.

There was such an amazing response to Chelsea’s segment on the morning news that they came to our clinic and interviewed her for the 5:00PM news yesterday. Here’s that clip!

Read more about Chelsea’s research on relational aggression and mean girls in marriage by clicking the links below:

Mean Girls in Marriage on KSL 5 NewsChelsea Madsen, MS, AMFT

Read Chelsea’s article The Mean Girls Phenomenon in Marriage

 

 

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Battered Men: A Different Perspective

Distaste for Photography
Check out a national blogtalkradio interview I did on “wellness for the real world with Dr. Veronica Anderson”.  This interview included several contributors from academicians, authors, family lawyers, therapists and male victims.  We discuss the change in popular belief about violence and the increased awareness of males who are victims of violence.  This was done in a way that does not diminish the seriousness of female victims, but increases the understanding and experiences of male victims.  My specific segment focused primarily on types of violence and the more recent finding that situational couple violence (where both partners are violent with each other) leads to more injury than violence where there is only one perpetrator.  The whole segment can be found here or listen to the interview by clicking the arrow below.

Creative Commons License photo credit: M. Pratter

Cialis vs Viagra it is old dispute between two similar medicines which stand by the way almost equally. but here not a task how to decide on a choice and to start using one of them. Viagra vs Cialis much kontsentrivany cialis which is on sale in the form of powder and we use it as required emergency. but nevertheless what harm they neninut especially if the birch costs.

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Do Opposites Attract?: NBC Action News

Do opposites attract?  This story was the result of an interview I did in Kansas that was featured on NBC Action News.

When it comes to love, it might not be best for Capulets and Montagues to mingle and marry.

That’s because while opposites can attract, they may not be best for each other, according to Chelsea Madsen, a Kansas State University instructor of family studies and human services and a licensed marriage and family therapist. People are typically attracted to someone who loves what they love, she said.

To read the rest of the story click below:

Do Opposites Attract?

 

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Emotional Spring Cleaning: Studio 5

The light of springtime often inspires the cleaning out of clutter in your home and yard, and exposes the cobwebs and dust bunnies that have been collecting during the winter months. It’s also a good time to consider cleaning out your emotional space: your thoughts and feelings. Just as it feels good to walk into an organized closet or enjoy a sparkling hardwood floor, emotional spring cleaning can provide a boost and a sense of relief and accomplishment. So, put down your mop and storage bins because I’ve got a different kind of spring cleaning for you. Here’s an emotional spring cleaning checklist to help you get started!

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Does Facebook Boost Self-esteem?: Studio 5

Need a quick ego boost? Check your Facebook profile. It just might make you feel better about yourself. Therapist and Studio 5 contributor, Julie Hanks, LCSW weighs in on new research that says Facebook makes you feel better about yourself.

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