Blog Section

Ask A Therapist: Anger Issues Due To Childhood Abuse

Q: I have acknowledged the fact that I have an anger problem, but I have not been able to find a way to deal with it. When I get angry I scream, curse, and get verbally abusive with the person that I am angry with. I have broken objects by throwing them across the room or by simply breaking them myself. I have injured myself by punching and kicking walls and random objects. Whenever I try to control my anger I feel light-headed, weak and shaky. After my anger passes I feel frustrated because I couldn’t control myself and break down in tears.

I have seen a therapist before for my anger issues and it only helped me for a couple of days before I was my old self again. While in therapy the therapist handed me a paper with a list of questions, one of the questions being; “have you ever been sexually abused?” I answered no, even though I experienced sexual abuse as a child. When I was 7 I started being abused by a close family member, it lasted until I turned 11 1/2 years old (when I started puberty.) I have never told anybody about it because I feel embarrassed and ashamed of the fact that the abuse lasted for so long. I know that the abuse was not my fault but I find myself constantly blaming myself for it because I never told anyone about it. I’m now 21 years old and I am afraid that I will hurt someone due to my anger. The relationships that I have been in before have not lasted long due to my anger and I’m tired of not being in control of my emotions.

I am seeking advice for what I should do to try and resolve my problem. I know that by talking about my abuse with someone I might be able to let the emotions that I have locked inside out, but I know that I will never be able to talk to someone about it due to the embarrassment that I feel. So I’m kind of at an edge here. Any type of advice would be helpful and greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Click the arrow below to listen to the therapist’s response…

[powerpress]*

To find a therapist who can help resolve your abuse issues click Find Help.  Please visit www.malesurvivor.org for more resources to heal from male childhood sexual abuse.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

*This is my first Ask the Therapist AUDIO response. What do you think? Like it, hate it? Let me know your thoughts.

Cialis vs Viagra it is old dispute between two similar medicines which stand by the way almost equally. but here not a task how to decide on a choice and to start using one of them. Viagra vs Cialis much kontsentrivany cialis which is on sale in the form of powder and we use it as required emergency. but nevertheless what harm they neninut especially if the birch costs.

More

Ask A Therapist: How Do I Disengage From My Ex?

Q: I was with my ex girlfriend for a year and half.  A few months before our breakup she moved a few states away and we tried to maintain a long distance relationship.  I did not go with her, because I was nearly finished with college.  At the time it seemed like a spur of the moment decision on her part to leave the area, but she really wanted to move out.  When she was away, we talked about moving in together and other promising things about our future with one another.  Ultimately, she met someone out there and left me for him.  I was angry and upset and we talked about the situation at length. She said didn’t want to be with one person for the rest of her life.  I told her we should stop talking and said maybe we could be friends down the line.  A couple of months passed and she contacted me telling me heart felt things and insulting her own actions in regards to how we split.  I was excited to hear from her, but I told her it wasn’t a good idea for us to be talking to one another being that I still had feelings and she was still with her new boyfriend.  But, to my fault, I ended up contacted her a few times; sending casual “hi, what’s up?” emails.  She came back home to visit for two weeks and we ended up hanging out a lot.  She told me she still loved me and we were intimate and sexual with one another.  Emotionally though she seemed very back and forth about me and her current boyfriend.  Also she seemed guilty one moment for hanging out with me and then was alright about it the next.  Obviously she is confused and giving off mixed signals, and I feel like I’m being led on.  We have talked openly about the situation before but didn’t really come to a conclusion.  She told me she is uncertain if she is going to continue living there or if she is going to live back in this area.  Either way, I know this situation isn’t healthy for me and I should definitely disengage from it.  But I don’t know what I should or shouldn’t say or if I should even say anything at all and just walk away from it.  Thanks for your help.

A: Thanks for your email. Letting go of a past love relationship can be very difficult, especially when you felt a strong emotional and sexual attachment. I’m glad that you can see that holding on to this relationship isn’t good for you and that it’s time to take responsibility to change.

The underlying question for you to answer is why you are reaching out to and trying to engage in a relationship with a woman who moved away from you, found another boyfriend, clearly states that she doesn’t want to be with one person, and is willing to cheat on her current boyfriend with you. Are you afraid you won’t find someone else to love you? Are you trying to get her to choose you over her current boyfriend?

She isn’t the only one who’s confused and sending mixed signals. You have both sent mixed signals to each other. From what you’ve described, you aren’t far enough down the the road to “be friends” without becoming intimate, so I suggest that you set strong “no-contact” boundaries with your ex and stick with them. No contact means no contact. It’s time to start spending your time developing yourself and seeking a relationship with a woman who wants to be in a committed relationship with you, instead of holding on to an unhealthy past.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

Cialis vs Viagra it is old dispute between two similar medicines which stand by the way almost equally. but here not a task how to decide on a choice and to start using one of them. Viagra vs Cialis much kontsentrivany cialis which is on sale in the form of powder and we use it as required emergency. but nevertheless what harm they neninut especially if the birch costs.

More

Ask A Therapist: Will My Therapist Have To Tell My Parents When I Cut Myself?

I am 14 and recently my parents have discovered I struggle with self-injury. After discovering this, they are going to send me to see a therapist to help with the issue. They, of course, know I struggle with self-injury, but I would prefer if they did not hear about it if I tell the therapist when I self-injure. Is this possible, or is it required that they inform my parents when I cut? As a minor, do I have any confidentiality from my parents?

A: First of all, I’m glad that your parents are going to take you to a therapist to address your cutting. Your cutting is a warning sign that something in your emotional life needs to be addressed. While there is confidentiality between client and therapist, there are limits to that confidentiality.  Therapists are required ethically and by law to intervene when a client is threatening serious harm to self.  Since cutting can  range from minor surface scratches to life threatening wounds, and I don’t know how serious your self-injurious behavior is, I am not able to fully answer your question. Your question can be best answered by your specific therapist when you meet with him or her. At your first session, I suggest that you ask your therapist how he or she will handle your disclosure of self-injury.  Because you are a minor, it is likely that your parents will be involved in some way in your treatment. Many therapists will require family therapy  when working with minors because family dynamics often play a part in a child’s distress, and because parents play an important role in the healing process.

My biggest concern regarding your question isn’t whether or not your therapist will tell your parents, but why you don’t want your parents to know the full extent of your self-injury. Is it because you are embarrassed of what they will think? Is it because you don’t want to upset them? Is it because they will be angry with you? Is it because they will overreact? I hope you will address this important question with your therapist.

The fact that your parents are taking you to therapy to get help tells me that they are concerned about you, that they care about you, and that they acknowledge that you are in pain and need professional help. Consider that they may be able to help and support you through this difficult time as you sort through your emotions and resolve the pain underlying your self-harming behavior. You are 14 and it’s their job to make sure you are safe.

Take good care of yourself, and let your parents take good care of you, too.

Julie Hanks, LCSW

Cialis vs Viagra it is old dispute between two similar medicines which stand by the way almost equally. but here not a task how to decide on a choice and to start using one of them. Viagra vs Cialis much kontsentrivany cialis which is on sale in the form of powder and we use it as required emergency. but nevertheless what harm they neninut especially if the birch costs.

More