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Finding Your Quiet Place

We live in a world of chaos filled with the hustle and bustle of life. There are school, work, home, church, family, and social obligations and responsibilities that are flying at us 24/7; it can be difficult to find the quiet in a world filled with noise. Sometimes our minds scream for the peace and quiet, they need a break from the noise of our lives. How often are you giving yourself a break? Do you allow yourself to stop for just a moment and find that peace? Wonder if you haven’t found your quiet place yet? Create it!

Choose to take a moment and make a space for yourself, if even in your mind, where you can go to feel calm and peaceful. This is a place that is all your own, it can be anything you want it to be. The key to this place is that it is a space where you feel completely at ease. There is comfort in your place. There is safety in your place. This is a sacred place.

Here’s a list of questions for you to answer, in your mind or aloud, to help you start to create a quiet place in your mind. Initially, read through the questions to become familiar with them. After some contemplation, read through them again and experience them from a deeper, more visceral place. Envision how you feel and allow yourself to go into that feeling.

Where’s your quiet place? This can be as broad as “at the beach” or as specific as “sitting on my pink and white canopy bed, holding my Cabbage Patch doll in my childhood bedroom on Forest Street in Podunk, USA”.

 Is it a place that you once visited or is it a place that you only dream of?

If you’ve been there, when did you visit and what kind of memories does thinking about it bring to mind? If it’s a real place with memories attached, dive into those memories. Allow yourself to feel and re-experience what made this place your “quiet” place.

If it’s a figment of your imagination, when did you start daydreaming of going there? Do you remember? Maybe this is a place that you have dreamed of since you were a kid. Maybe you saw a picture somewhere.

 What does your quiet place look like? Use colors, textures, and other descriptive language to be as specific as possible.

What does it smell like? Again, be descriptive. “Good”, won’t have the same sensory impact as describing the scent of the ocean or the pine of the forest after it rains.

 What do you hear when you are there? Trying to engage all your senses, do you hear insects? Birds? Water? Wind?

Do you feel the sun on your face or the wind on your cheeks? Are you warm or cold? What else do you feel? Sand under your feet? The spongy feel of the forest after a big rain?

 Are you there by yourself or do you have people with you? Who? Let’s be honest there are some people that do not help us feel calm, they don’t need to be included in your quiet place. Yep, even if they are your parents, children, spouse, or best friend. Sometimes we need to find peace away from even those that we love the most.

Lastly, after you’ve created a picture with sound, touch, smell, and maybe taste too. Give yourself permission to visit this place when you feel the noise of the world is too much. I have clients that use this as part of their morning or bedtime routine to help them get into a quiet headspace to start their day or go to sleep. Personally, I like doing it for a few minutes in the middle of my day when I have a break. I close my office door, take a few deep belly breaths, visualize a place (I have several), and let the experience encompass my senses and clear my head so that I can move on with my day with a newfound sense of quiet and calmness.

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Something You Should Know: Forgive and Remember – Said no one ever

A Therapy Blog Miniseries:

How are we to just forgive and forget when someone has done us wrong? How am I to trust or let them back into my life after they have caused so much harm? We often find ourselves asking these questions and unsure how to answer them. Forgiveness can be a difficult subject to discuss and we have many different thoughts and feelings about it.

Dr. Fred Luskin, an expert on forgiveness, defines forgiveness as the experience of being in peace right now no matter what story drama has occurred 5 min or 5 years ago and no matter what has happened in any of our lives; at this moment we can be at peace.

Often when we hold a grudge, it creates a lack of peace in our life. Dr. Luskin states that the reason for this lack of peace, is that instead of letting go of an experience, we hold on to it because it went against our expectation of how the situation should have turned out. Yes, life happened, but rather than letting go we are left with emotional turmoil due to an inability to let go of our expectations. One crucial part of forgiveness is letting go and resetting these expectations of those that we feel have wronged us.

Often times I am asked, “Why is it that we must remember?” and “How am I ever supposed to let them in my life again?” Often we remember the situation that occurred so that we do not repeat the same mistakes again. Dr. Luskin explains this concept well, he explains that forgiveness is “actually remembering differently. While the lack of forgiveness is remembering something with an edge or a grudge or a sense of injustice, forgiveness means remembering it more benignly, with compassion. It involves some purpose of moving ahead, rather than just being stuck in the past”. When we forgive someone that does not mean that we automatically trust them or let them back in fully. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves not for the other person.

Luskin notes that in order to move forward and forgive we must first:

  1. Take a hurt less personally
  2. Take responsibility for how you feel
  3. Then become a hero instead of a victim in the story we tell

Luskin notes that we must change from a victim story to a hero in our story. True forgiveness does not put the other person “in charge” but rather it places you in control of the situation. Luskin states, that “while you did not cause these things to happen, you are responsible for how you think, behave, and feel since those experiences occurred. It is your life, and they are your reactions and emotions to manage.”

Every day we have the choice on how we react to situations that we can take offense to. We can choose to react and fall into that default setting of harboring anger or we can take a step back, look at our emotions, and let go.

We have the choice day in and day out to forgive and move forward in our lives. Holding onto these grudges prevent us from our happiness. Letting go and forgiving provides us with the following:

  • Reduced anger
  • Greater feelings of hope
  • More peace in your life
  • Compassion
  • Self-confidence
  • Healthier relationships
  • Improved physical and mental health
  • More positive attitude and outlook

If you are having a difficult time forgiving and letting go please reach out and schedule an appointment with Nate at the Cottonwood Heights office 801-944-4555.

References

Luskin, F. (2003). Forgive for good: A proven prescription for health and happiness. San Francisco: HarperOne.

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The Power of Emulating LOVE

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Mark Twain once said that he could go for two months on a good compliment.
Sincere compliments build self esteem in ourselves and others,and foster feelings of good will, peace and thus harmony.
To quote Leo Buscaglia, “Honest compliments are simple, and cost nothing to give…we must not underestimate their worth.”
Here is a list of phrases that are complimentary in nature that are easy to use.  Try them!
 *  You make me happy!
 *  I trust you.
*  I like it when you…
*  I know you can do this.
*  You are special.
*  I am grateful for you.
*  I love you.
*  I believe in you.
*  I am proud of you.
Because nearly everyone appreciates a compliment, be sure to use them daily.  The primary reason being, “The life and love we create is the life and love we live.”  L. Buscagia
For more inspirational thoughts related to creating abundant relationships of LOVE, please refer to any or all of these publications authored by; Leo Buscagia, Ph.D.
“Born for Love, Reflections on loving”
“Personhood,  The art of being fully human”
“Loving each other, The challenge of Human Relationships”
“Living, Learning and Loving”
“LOVE, A warm and wonderful book about the Largest experience in life”
“Bus 9 to Paradise”
“The way of the Bull”
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10 Tips For Surviving The Holidays

The approaching holidays can be exciting, overwhelming and hard all at the same time.  Here are some tips to not only survive but thrive during the festivities.

1. Live “whole-heartedly” during the holidays

Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston coined the phase after conducting thousands of interviews studying happiness and connection.  “Whole-hearted living” means letting ourselves be deeply and vulnerably seen. Loving with our whole hearts, even when there’s no guarantee. Focus on what is really important.

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