I’ve started thinking of my past life and how naive I was. Then horrible memories have come back to me. When I was around 9 going to 10 I was molested by a teenager. It made me cry almost thinking how stupid I was by listening to the molester telling me what to do and threatening to tell my parents what he did. I thought I would get in trouble so I let him do what ever. It happened for almost 2 years and I kept it secret. I was even more frightened that he said he planned to bring his friends. Then when I was in middle school, we moved and I finally told. The officers didn’t do anything because there wasn’t enough evidence.. I felt stupid for not telling and to this day, knowing he’s still out there.. I wished I was strong. This really affected me making me more naive, confused, and depressed as the years went on. I have felt sexually attracted to older men wanting them to touch me. I was even willing to risk my life by walking around my neighborhood hoping I would get captured and raped. Then I met my ex boyfriend. He changed me in a way but wasn’t what I thought we would be. I believed in my ex boyfriend and allowed him to have sex with me whenever he asked and I fell in love. It didn’t end too well.. I changed after that situation and I hate my old self right now.. please give me words of advice..
These past few months have been different for me. I don’t feel complete. I have no hobbies, romantic relationships, or sports that I enjoy, whereas it seems everyone I know has these things. I belong to a middle class family and we have plenty of money and things, but something in my life is missing. I want to ask my parents if I can see a therapist or someone, but I’m too embarrassed and my parents will ask me questions about what’s wrong and I’ll feel stupid because I don’t have any answers. I don’t self-harm, but I’ve thought about it. I’ve got one good friend and a twin sister, but I always feel lonely… and I feel like something in my life is missing. I realize that I’m very young (14) and that life gets better, but I honestly just need answers. Why do I feel this way? What’s missing? Is there something wrong with me? Do other people feel this way?
A: Please talk to your parents from your heart. You don’t have to have all of the answers and it’s OK to tell your parents, “I don’t know,” if they ask you questions you’re not sure how to answer. Let them know that you want to see a therapist. Watch the video below to hear the complete answer.
Take good care of yourself!
Julie Hanks, LCSW
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