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Rekindle that spark in your Relationship

It is very common for couples to reach a point in their relationship where they start to feel more like roommates than lovers. One thing that we forget once we are past the romancing stage is that a relationship continues to take work. It is easy to get comfortable and settled with our partner to where we stop putting forth the effort to win each other over. Though there is a deep and secure love between you and your partner, when this happens, it can feel like the spark is gone, and we begin to mourn for that loss of passion.

Here are some ideas on how to get that spark back and rekindle the passion.

grateful-couple

1. Regular dates
Having kids and busy work schedules can make it tough to find time for just the two of you. Don’t let yourselves fall into the same routines. Make sure you plan time for each other and put forth the effort to plan fun dates. Your relationship is just as important as your kids and work, and it requires some attention as well. Go on dates, and get that much needed couple time together.

2. Physical touch
It is always important to make time for intimacy through sex with your partner, but there is also a lot of power in physical contact. Holding hands, rubbing your spouse’s back, raking your fingers though his hair, lingering kisses, and long hugs are great ways to ignite some passion. Touching each other more often helps us feel closer to one another.

3. Find something you both love
Finding a hobby to share with your spouse is a great way to ignite a spark. Take a class, try something new, be adventurous… When you share experiences with your spouse that you both enjoy together, you will feel a stronger connection to one another.

4. Remember the passion
Sometimes just remembering what it is that first made us fall in love with our partners can help bring some of that passion back. Try making a list of all the reasons why you love your partner. Write them down, and read them to each other. Acknowledge the things that you appreciate about the other and may be taking for granted. Besides building up your partner and making them feel good, you will also recognize all that deep love that is already there.

5. Vacation
If and when possible, go on getaways together. Even small road trips can be fun and great opportunities to talk and just focus on each other.

6. Make it a joint effort
It is not easy to rekindle the passion in your relationship if you are the only one working at it. You and your spouse need to help one another. Talk to each other and express that you are trying to make an effort to reignite the spark and that it is important to you, and hopefully you will be in on it together.

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Are You An Addict?


What image does the word addict conjure up in your mind? Are you thinking of the stereotypical movie character who is trembling in an alley night after night looking for a “fix”? Most people believe that an addict is easily identifiable by their disheveled looks, by their inability to function in day-to-day life, or by recognizable constant “loaded” behaviors. This picture of addiction is simply untrue; and the danger of believing in the movie character addict persona is what can allow a person to continue in a dangerous pattern of addiction unaware.

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6 Signs You Are Emotionally Grown Up: Julie Hanks on Studio 5


You may look like a grown-up but do you always act your age? Emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily grow with age. Sometimes adults find themselves behaving like children. Therapist Julie Hanks, LCSW shares the six signs you are emotionally mature. Plus, tips to help you get back on track.


Maturity is generally associated with chronological age and years of life experience. But, when it comes to emotional maturity, age has very little to do with it. Have you ever noticed that some adults can pout just like a 6 year old? Or that some grown-ups seems to act more like teenagers by shirking adult responsibilities? Emotional maturity takes work, effort and a willingness to take an honest look inside of your-self. It also takes a willingness to try and understand the experiences of others.

 

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Utah Valley Magazine Features Julie de Azevedo Hanks

Utah Valley Magazine Features Julie de Azevedo Hanks

Last month I got an email from Utah Valley Magazine’s editor Jeanette Bennett inviting me to interview for their women’s issue for July/Aug. Over the course of the interview, photo shoot, and follow up, I’ve made a new life-long friend in Jeanette. I sure enjoyed sharing my passions with her…and with you.

 

The Second Verse: Singer Julie de Azevedo Hanks strikes a new chord on women’s health as therapist, author, and women’s self-care evangelist!

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Work-Life Balance For Women Entrepreneurs: Julie Hanks on Intuit Small Biz Blog

I was thrilled to be invited to interview on the topic of work-life balance, having just finished reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. I really enjoyed the book and think it provides a much needed nudge to women to lean in and let their voices be heard, and to be a little bolder about stepping up to lead.

While I haven’t written or blogged a lot about the topic of being a female business owner, it is a subject that I LIVE every day! As it turns out I had a lot to say on this subject from my 24 years of trying to find a workable balance between family life and my professional endeavors. It was a joy to share my thoughts in this interview.

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I’m Not Perfect and That’s Ok! 4 Steps to Overcome Perfectionism

Michael Morgan, AMFTOne of the most common causes of anxiety stems from a belief that one needs to be perfect in order to be accepted by others (or for some, by their God). Those who hold the identity of a “perfectionist” have every reason in the world to do so. It is tied in with their identity and has helped them move forward and try to be a better person. This need to be perfect often comes from some type of a short-coming or difficulty when we are younger—trying to impress an unavailable parent, living in a household with intense conflict, or embarrassing/traumatic moments that was never told to other people because of fear of their rejection.

Perfectionism ultimately comes from a comparison to someone or something (or even one’s self). It is fueled by a fear of rejection! It is a brutal cycle of beating one’s self up and self-loathing. It is also often derived from some internal conflict: knowing that one is not perfect but trying to convince one’s self that he or she has to be.

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7 Ways To Beat Seasonal Depression

7 Ways To Beat Seasonal Depression

Does your mood take a nose dive during the winter months? In this new post for ShareCare I give a few ideas for beating seasonal depression. Here’s a preview…

“During the winter months, about 15% of Americans suffer from a mood disorder known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). SAD symptoms are similar to those of depression—feelings of sadness, low energy, sleep problems, irritability, unexplained weight loss or weight gain, anxiety, social isolation and, in severe cases, suicidal thoughts. The difference between general depression and SAD is that sufferers generally gain weight and only experience depression symptoms during a specific and recurring time of the year.

Seasonal depression impacts significantly more women than men. Among people with SAD, 60 to 90% are women, and females between the ages of 15 and 55 are at highest risk.

In my clinical experience, most people with this problem wait too long before seeking help. If you have many of the symptoms above, or if you think you might have SAD, I encourage you to get a medical or mental health evaluation. If you are suffering from SAD there are treatments that can help you feel better.”

Read my 7 tips for tackling SAD on Sharecare

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Money Secrets In Marriage: Julie Hanks in Cosmopolitan

Money Secrets In Marriage: Julie Hanks in Cosmopolitan

Did you know that Cosmopolitan Magazine has a regular marriage column? I didn’t know until I interviewed with the talented and witty writer Kristina Grish, who chronicles the ups and downs of her own marriage in her monthly Cosmo “Love, For Keeps” column.

Check out page 122 of Dec. Issue (yes, the one with the lovely and insanely talented Taylor Swift on the cover) or download the pdf below.

Download “Are Money Secrets Toxic In Marriage” PDF

 

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Utah Social Worker Julie Hanks Nominated For National Media Award

One of my passions is using the Internet share helpful information on mental health and family relationship topics. I love writing and sharing and I feel best about myself when I am making a difference for good in the world.

So, it’s was “icing on the cake” when I found out that this website JulieHanks.com has been nominated for a National Association of Social Work 2012 media award! What an honor to be recognized nationally for my efforts to use the media for the inspire and help others.

So, here’s where I need your help! Now that I’ve been nominated, the final awards will be determined by # of votes online. If you’ve benefited from this website I’d really appreciate your vote.

Click here to vote online

(You’re required to offer your email address for verification, you have to vote in every category, & I’m the first one listed in the website category “JulieHanks.com”

Oh, there is also an option to leave a comment. If you do that too, I owe you a big hug and double “thank you”!

March is National Social Work Month and I am proud to be among the 640,000 social workers in the US.

 

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